Continuation of Guideline 8

Hello Followers!

This is another continuation post about guideline 8, the last guideline in ICDP materials. Guideline 8c asks, how do you use situational regulation and set routines to guide behavior?

While looking at this from a parenting perspective is important, it can also be adapted to a peer one as well. Situational regulation may not be a common term used by our peers, but it’s something we do almost unconsciously. The self regulation we have with ourselves is a healthy way we maintain relationships and self care.

For example, it is the middle of the week, and you have a big test or project coming up. Self  situational regulation is monitoring, evaluating, and modifying emotional reactions within situations, such as choosing not to procrastinate or go out with friends knowing the amount of stress you are experiencing. By regulating your situations, such as not procrastinating, you regulate the outcome of your behavior. Less stressed you equals a more healthy you with a better attitude and outlook on your situation.

How do you self regulate your situations for your behavior? Comment Below! 🙂

Guideline 8: Regulation part 2

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Hello followers!

This week we are continuing our in depth look into the eighth guideline in this four part series.

8b of the ICDP Guidelines was originally stated as “How do you support your child with scaffolding (gradual support) to encourage their initiatives?”.

For the continuation of this blog, it can be translated to ask, “How do you  show support for your peers in their initatives?”.  To continue building a healthy relationship with co-workers and peers it is important to show support and encourage them in positive ways. There are many forms of encouragement but we will only explore 4 here:

  • Words of encouragement
  • constructive criticism
  • Touch
  • Listening

A good place to start is to ask yourself how you like to be shown encouragement. How do you feel when you receive a compliment? How does getting a high five or a pat on the back make you feel? Does having someone listen to you make you feel acknowledged or important? When you identify what types of encouragement work for you, try to incorporate them into your dialogue with others. Just keep in mind that what one person may like,might not be the best way for others to receive encouragement. Some people respond better to touch than to words of encouragement, or vice versa. Figuring out the best way to support someone may take time and communication.

Giving words of encouragement is probably the most popular way of showing support. Terms of praise like “Well Done” and “Good Job” can go a long way for people. It is great to acknowledge someone’s work and the effort they put into whatever they are doing. Complements also fall into this category. Compliments on someone’s attire or work can give them a boost and grow their self confidence.

If and when you do have to disagree with someone, offer constructive criticism. Affirm what they did well but offer your ideas. An example of good dialogue may be ” I like what you said/did here/your idea, but maybe we could do this instead…” This way you acknowledge what they said, while offering your opinion in a respective manner.

Touch is also a great form of encouragement. Just make sure that the person is comfortable with the form of touch. High fives and pats on the back are generally more accepted but before you go and give someone a hug, or a more intamate kind of touch, make sure they are comfortable with it.

Another form of encouragement is listening to each other. When someone listens to what another person has to say, they are acknowledge their ideas and feelings and supporting them emotionally. Listening grows the other person’s feeling of worth and acceptance. During a conversation try not to interrupt the other person. If you agree with what they are saying try occasionally nodding your head. By not interrupting them and nodding your head, you show them that you are listening to what they have to say.

Everyone has different ways of receiving support and encouragement whether it is words of encouragement or touch or something else. Just respect their comfort zone and keep the lines of communication open.

Thanks for reading!

 

Guideline 8: Regulation

Hello Followers!

Hope all is well for everyone in the new year. Last year the last seven guidelines for ICDP were finished, and this year we are starting the eighth guideline in four parts.

8a of the ICDP Guidelines is referred too within it’s original intent to be, “How do you support your child with boundaries to plan step by step in order to develop self control?”

For the purpose of this blog, it can be translated into, “How do you support your peers with boundaries to develop self control?”  Any relationship with your coworkers or friends relies on support from both sides. That can appear in forms of healthy boundaries set by the other for a positive relationship, and can appear in various ways like:

  • No Gossiping
  • Always be Honest
  • Open Communication

Start with yourself. If you can establish your own boundaries, it exhibits your sense of self control with an understanding of what to ask of your friends! Ask yourself some questions. How does your friend cross boundaries with you? Does he call too much? Does he criticize you? Does he stop by at the wrong time? Look at your own behavior and ask if you do any of the same things: Do you call even when I know it is a bad time? Do you act overly critical? Learning your own boundaries first will make the next task much easier.

Everyone has a different idea of what’s comfortable to them, so while one friend may enjoy daily phone calls, another might think that’s too much for them personally. That’s were open communication and honesty come into play.  Boundaries take time to develop and are fluid while remaining dependent on the individual. So if a friend crosses the boundary line, forgive them and go back to giving out subtle hints. If you need to talk through some boundaries with your friend or peer, do so by communicating in a kind, honest, and patient manner.

Thanks for reading everyone!

HOW TO KEEP GROWING : Learning from our experiences

Life is messy.

Taking risks and or being challenged by something (a relationship, a new job, etc.) is a part of life – something we all experience.

How can we GROW through these experiences?

This is a great question to reflect on…The ICDP Guidelines direct us to a central idea: we don’t necessarily have control over events or stressors in our life, but we can control HOW WE RESPOND.

We have the power to CHOOSE TO LEARN from our experiences – to think, “How do my words and or actions impact those around me?”

“How can learning from my experiences help me to better communicate with others?”

Reflection is key.

Take the time to reflect on recent experiences/encounters with friends, family members, and or co workers. Have they been positive? Was there anything you wish you could change? Were there ways the interactions could have been better – could be improved in the future?

Possibly listening more…allowing our emotions to calm down before responding….checking body language – to name a few.

With that said, I hope you find time to REFLECT on your experiences and LEARN from them. I hope that you find ways to keep growing!

Don’t forget, small changes can have a lasting impact.

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These ideas are adapted from the International Child Development Guideline 7: “How do you broaden your child’s thoughts and understanding about experiences shared”.

ICDP Guideline 7: the importance of learning from our experiences

Happy Sunday everyone!

This week, we will be discussing the importance of learning from our experiences – the youth adaptation of ICDP’s Guideline 7: How do you broaden your child’s understanding about thoughts and experiences shared? I find this adaptation to be close to my heart, as I have framed my experience in school and many other aspects of my life through this mindset. How can I make the most of each experience, and what can I learn from it?

I have found that I can make the most of each experience by focusing on the power that lies in the process of an experience, and not necessarily the outcome. From my own experience – in school, for example – I have found this approach to truly help me focus on the importance and richness of the experience. Many times, if the process is the focus, I have found that the desired outcome happens as well 🙂

Would my readers agree? Can you share a similar experience?

ICDP Guideline 6: Youth Adaption: How do I talk to my peers about difficult things?

This week I am pleased to continue the discussion of ICDP Guideline 6: How do I talk about difficult things with my peers?

I think its safe to say that we have all had difficult things to talk about. Whether you are a parent telling your child that the puppy is sick, or a student telling your teacher about a sick parent or grandparent, there are few easy ways to say difficult things.

This youth adaption addresses similarly to the previous weeks post. It can be frustrating, emotional and flat-out hard to talk about unpleasant topics with your peers. While positively conveying emotions is important, finding ways to talk about difficult things is as well.

Before even having the conversation, consider the simple organization of who, how, when, and why.

Who are you going to talk to about it? Consider the subject matter and the person/people in question. Talking to each of these people can be a slightly different experience.  Even if you do decide to talk to everyone about it- you might approach them in different ways and tell them different personal details.

How are you going to tell them? Different ways have different pro’s and con’s.  For instance, telling in an email/text message/letter would be less personal, but you don’t have to be there when they read the news.  If you leave it like that- you can also leave other materials that might help them understand how to help you better/that you want them to understand before they speak to you. If you are telling them in person, it has a much more personal and sentimental tone, although it can be more emotional. Previous ICDP guidelines account for the value of relationships, especially communication for improvement within them.

When are you going to tell them?

Sometimes what happened just comes stumbling out but it’s usually better to have some sort of plan. The when can be very important when it comes to the responses that you receive from whoever you’re telling. In general, it’s better to not tell someone if you’re in the middle of a fight, when frustrations are high and emotion is negative-or if you know that they’re extremely stressed out. In general the neutral times are best to talk about difficult subjects, especially with a plan.

Why are you going to tell them?

Consider whether or not it will strengthen your relationship, or if it will harm it. In most cases, the intimacy of compassion and trust, as well as the communication helps your friendships/relationships with your peers. Sometimes the knowledge will help them better understand you or what you are going through so they can offer a helping hand.

Have you ever gone through difficult times and reached out to peers? How did you communicate it?

Frustration 101: We’ve all been there….

We’ve all been there….Something weighing heavily on our mind – an argument, a frustration in a friendship or with a family member, hurt feelings, etc.

It’s hard to NOT let our emotions control how we communicate. BUT if we could take a second, take a deep breath, we might be able to approach a frustration or sensitive topic a little easier.

Think of the words you are using – will they be positive and help you both to grow through this experience?

 If you aren’t sure, how can I approach this situation?

 Think back to the “basics” – here are a few to get you started:

  1. Listen, ACTIVELY
  2. Try to be conscious of what your body language is communicating
  3. If you are talking to someone in the heat of the moment – WAIT. Breathe.
  4. THINK – What are the words you are about to use? Will they open up positive conversation or make open communication more challenging?

Whether faced with frustration, anger, or another emotion that may elicit a conversation that addresses a “sensitive emotion”, these same basics apply.

Thanks to the ICDP Guideline 6, one can better understand positive approaches to describing things to one’s child, to those around them. Essentially one is challenged to think about his or her word choice.

Not only do I challenge you to think about your word choice, but also think about how the way we approach talking about “the sensitive things” is another way to keep building relationships stronger 🙂

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Youth Adaptation – ICDP Guideline 6: How do I talk about the difficult things with my friends and family?

Happy hump day everyone! I hope you are all having a fantastic week. I am pleased to kick-off our three-week discussion about the youth adaptation of ICDP’s Guideline 6: How do I talk about the “difficult things” with my friends and family? To begin, I think that this topic can, and probably will be, viewed from many different angles – as this depends on what these difficult things are and the relationships that we have with those around us to support through these challenges.

Because of the emphasized importance of our relationships with others throughout our discussions of the ICDP Guidelines, I’m going to discuss these kinds of vulnerable and sensitive conversations about the “difficult things” from a perspective as a teacher. That is, how can I help those around me to feel comfortable coming to me to talk about the “difficult things”?

An answer to this, I believe, lies in the principles of the ICDP Guidelines. Building strong and supportive relationships – a major theme throughout the Guidelines – can help us to create a network of people around us that we can trust and feel comfortable coming to with most things, which may include challenges and “difficult things.” For example, the youth adaptation of Guideline 2, which discusses the value of encouragement, may help to show those around you that you are supportive of their efforts. Also, the youth adaptation of Guideline 5, which discusses the importance of being present with others, may show those around you that you are there for them by “being there” and being present and engaged. From my experiences with friends and family who are supportive and present, I’ve felt comfortable coming to them with my thoughts and worries and trusted that they will be able to support me through these times. Many other factors also contribute to the trust that is built with others, but those are just to name a few that we have discussed on this blog.

The ICDP Guidelines help us to understand the very foundations of supportive relationships with others. For many of us, these relationships can help us to create a network of support systems that we can feel comfortable coming to in times of happiness, worry, and just about any other time 🙂

Until next time, readers!